


drowning

by Rethira



Category: Ore ni Koi Shite Dousunda
Genre: Incest, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-07
Updated: 2012-08-07
Packaged: 2017-11-11 15:59:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/480275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rethira/pseuds/Rethira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>(it’s always like he’s drowning, being pulled under by Ryouji, over and over again, and Tora can never quite get away, never quite break the surface and it’s almost like he doesn’t want to anymore, because drowning is familiar now, and he doesn’t think he could go back to the way it was before)</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	drowning

**Author's Note:**

> Ore ni Koi Shite Dousunda is a little known manga by Yoneda Kou. It's only four chapters long, and has been on indefinite hiatus for a long time - it may have been dropped entirely by the mangaka, due to the fact that it is primarily about the burgeoning relationship between a boy and his uncle.
> 
> Thus the incest warning.
> 
> Even apart from that, this is a very messed up and unhealthy relationship, and both of them know it.

“C’mon, do it,” Ryouji growls. His hands are like brands on Tora’s hips, holding him pinned against the bed, so Tora couldn’t escape even if he wanted to.

_(and he does, he wants to escape so bad, so bad he’s crying for it, because if he doesn’t-)_

Tora hiccups, and twists his face away, so he doesn’t have to look at Ryouji, but keeps his hand moving like Ryouji wants, and it’s not like he can forget that Ryouji’s watching – he’s breathing heavily over Tora, and he smells like cigarettes and beer, and every so often his hips jerk against Tora’s legs and Tora can feel the hard line of Ryouji’s cock, hot even through his clothes, and Tora knows what Ryouji _wants ___.

_(he wants to pin Tora down and strip him naked and spread him open and then he wants to push inside Tora and break him over and over again, until Tora’s sobbing and used on the bed and Ryouji’s lust is sated)_

“You’re so fucking slow,” Ryouji snarls, and his fingers clench tightly on Tora’s hips, so tightly it hurts and he’s going to have bruises and how did Ryouji ever get made a detective? He’s so violent and mean, and he’s so passionate and broken that Tora’s heart aches just thinking about him, and he should be scared like he was when Kuroku and that man had- But this was Ryouji, and sometimes everything Ryouji does hurts, but mostly Tora would do anything for him.

_(Tora has dreams about riding Ryouji, straddling his hips and moving himself, and feeling Ryouji fuck up into him and Tora wakes up sweaty and aching and he wants to slip into Ryouji’s bed then, and put his hands all over Ryouji but he never dares to because they can fuck in every single room but they can’t share a bed, not yet, not ever)_

“Are you thinking about me, Tora?” Ryouji asks, and his hips jerk convulsively against Tora’s thigh. “Tell me,” he orders. “You thinking about me fucking you? Sliding deep inside you and spreading you open and making you _mine ___.” Ryouji’s voice turns harsh on the last word, and he bites Tora’s neck and Tora whimpers and squeezes his cock and comes shaking, and it’s so good because he knows Ryouji won’t stop yet, won’t stop until he’s satisfied.

_(royalties, it’s always about Tora paying him royalties; he gets to jerk off to Ryouji and then Ryouji can use him too, and Tora wants so much that he can’t say no)_

“Brats,” Ryouji snorts, but he’s peeling off his work clothes and throwing them all to the floor, and he’s so, _so ___hard it makes Tora shake, and his fingers burn where they touch him. Ryouji pushes his legs open, and he mouths at Tora’s throat and he grumbles “Like a goddamn woman,” and his fingers sweep through some of Tora’s come and dip around his back and Tora shakes his head no, but Ryouji doesn’t notice and-

_(it’s always like he’s drowning, being pulled under by Ryouji, over and over again, and Tora can never quite get away, never quite break the surface and it’s almost like he doesn’t want to anymore, because drowning is familiar now, and he doesn’t think he could go back to the way it was before)_

“Get yourself wet for me,” Ryouji says, even though his fingers are already inside Tora – they’re good fingers, long and slightly callused, and Tora comes apart when they’re in him – and Tora can barely move with Ryouji over him. Ryouji’s left the lube on the bed, and it’s slipped under Tora, so he has to wriggle to get it, and that spreads his legs wider and Ryouji works another finger into him, sitting up to watch.

_(Ryouji loves watching, loves seeing what he’s done to Tora, loves seeing himself all over Tora, etched onto Tora’s very soul, but he especially loves seeing himself violating Tora)_

Tora’s fingers are slippery and he always shakes when he does this, but he gets his hand between his legs and it’s always uncomfortable, but then his fingers are sliding against Ryouji’s and Ryouji makes an angry noise and nudges Tora’s fingers so they sink inside too. Tora whimpers, like he’s been hit, and curls his fingers and tries not to think how obscene he must look, with his fingers pushed inside himself, shining with lubricant and Ryouji’s messy fingers right next to them.

_(he thinks about this sometimes, when Ryouji isn’t around, and he wonders what Ryouji sees there when he makes Tora do it, wonders how stretched and full he must look and wonders if Ryouji is imagining what Tora’s imagining)_

“Fuck,” Ryouji growls, his voice rough and harsh, and then he pulls his fingers free and jacks his cock once, twice and then he’s coming all over Tora, and Tora thinks he must have made a noise, because Ryouji groans again and his cock jerks out a bit more come and it gets all over Tora’s fingers and he carries right on pushing them in, and Ryouji growls and grabs Tora’s chin and kisses him like he’s devouring him and it’s just enough for Tora to come again.

_(he feels wrung out and used and sore all over and he’s filthy, but Ryouji’s kissing him and for a moment Tora can pretend it’s because Ryouji likes him)_

“You fuck,” Ryouji mutters, against Tora’s neck. “You want my cock that bad?” He’s soft, but he still jerks his hips, as if making a point and Tora can’t help the noise that escapes him. “ _Tell me ___.”

_(and Tora wants everything, he wants to be full of Ryouji’s cock, he wants it in his ass and in his mouth, he wants Ryouji’s come and he wants to be marked indelibly as Ryouji’s, and he wants Ryouji to look at him after and smile and kiss him and stroke him until he stopped shaking, and he wants to wake up in the morning and roll over and have Ryouji still there, or to wake up to easy, lazy kisses and have Ryouji tell him everything’s okay)_

“Please,” Tora manages. “I’m. I want, please, Ryouji.” He’s crying again, and he can feel the _sorry ___already on his lips and so near to breaking free, but Ryouji just takes his mouth again, like it’s his right, and his tongue fucks Tora’s mouth, like he’s going to fuck Tora later. When he finally lets up, Tora’s hard again and Ryouji grins savagely to see it.

_(Ryouji takes and takes and takes and Tora.... Tora lets him)_

“Get on your knees, Tora,” Ryouji says, and Tora rolls over and pushes himself onto his knees and his thighs tremble in anticipation as Ryouji settles behind him and then Ryouji slides his dick between Tora’s thighs and pushes them shut, and just fucks there, his cock sliding between Tora’s thighs and getting harder and harder until he shudders to a halt. His hand pushes Tora’s back down, and he spreads Tora’s legs wide again, and he leans forwards until his cock is pressing against Tora, and all it would take is one good push and he’d be _in ___and Tora wants it so bad he can hardly breathe.

_(this is it, this is the moment that Tora always gets a choice – to drown, or go up for air)_

“Tora,” Ryouji says, and it’s not a question, but it feels like one anyway, and Tora doesn’t have to look back to know that Ryouji’s shaking, fighting the urge to just push right inside and take all the things Tora hasn’t yet offered.

_(and Tora always chooses to drown) ___

“I’m sorry,” Tora breathes, and Ryouji _pushes ___and he’s groaning, and his fingers are tight on Tora’s hips again, and his hips snap against Tora’s and jerk back and then forwards again and sometimes it feels like he’s as deep as he could be and then he fucks in harder and he’s in so deep already and Tora can feel the bone deep ache spreading from where Ryouji is fucking into him, and he’s going to be so sore and tired tomorrow, but Tora can’t stop now so he just scrabbles at the bed sheets and makes exhausted, broken noises as Ryouji fucks him.

_(drowning has never felt so good) ___

Ryouji takes him apart, and leaves him empty and aching. And then in the morning, he watches Tora with hard, accusing eyes, and Tora’s breath catches in his throat.

_(drowning is easy; coming up for air is the hard part) ___

After dinner, Ryouji grabs Tora and kisses him hard and possessive, and his hands slide under Tora’s clothes and mark the bruises that have formed on Tora’s pale skin.

_(and he wants to escape so bad, so bad he’s crying for it, because if he doesn’t he’s never going to breathe again) ___


End file.
